you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
