sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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