in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
