remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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