He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
