And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
