A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
