Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
