Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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