I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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