I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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