I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
