You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
