Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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