Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
