I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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