I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
