the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
