Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
