apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
