i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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