You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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