she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
