last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
