o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
