she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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