It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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