I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
