dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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