I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hippo gnu deer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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