Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
