dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just high enough for therapy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
