My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
