I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
