Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
