Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
