whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
