i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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