I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
