dude i'm inner monologue high
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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