fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
