He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
