mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
