I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
