So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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