My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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