He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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