I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
