She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Still dying that you shit outside
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
