Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
