dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
